JP VS AUTHOR
by WingedJewel
Summary: Author: Welcome! Please read my story! JP: What? It's totally my story!
1. Chapter 1

**Author: **I'm so sad.

**JP: **Why, young paddawan?

**Author: **I will never ever ever _ever _own Maximum Ride. Or Fang.

**JP: **It is okay.

**Author: **Really?

**JP: **Yes.

**Author: ***smiles* Okay then!

**JP: **Have you read my new book?

**Author: **Aww, I'm sad again.

**JP: **Why?

**Author: **Fang loves Max.

**JP: **Why I guess he does.

**Author: **I love Fang!

**JP: **Why I guess you do.

**Author: **Why can't Fang love a fan-girl like me?

**JP: ***Runs over to Fang, asks him this question, and gets his reply* He says Max would surely kill him.

**Author: **What if someone *coughs nervously while looking at JP* were to kill Max?

**JP: **Who would that someone be?

**Author: **Ahem, *stares at JP*

**JP: **Oh! You mean me?

**Author:** It took ya long enough!

**JP:** I don't think I could do that… *acts nervous*

**Author: **And why not??

**JP: **Umm, uuhh, she would get mad at me!

**Author: **Oh puh-_pleez._ Why is everyone so scared of Max?

**JP: **They just are, I guess**.**

**Author: **But Max is sooooo not cool… I bet I could beat her in a fight!

***Max walks up behind Author***

**Max: **Excuse me?

**Author, unaware that Max is behind her: **I mean, she is so full of herself!

**Max: **What? *Shows herself*

**Author: **Oh schnitzel.

**Max: **Yea, that's rig- wait, what?

**Author: **I said schnitzel.

**Max: **What is that?

**Author:** It is a traditional Austrian dish and is a popular part of Viennese and Austrian cuisine, consisting of a thin slice of veal coated in breadcrumbs and –

**Max:** Yes yes okay. Now where were we?

**Author: **I was about to tell you about schnitzels.

**Max: **Yeah… no.

***Max steps menacingly closer to Author, who is now cowering in her chair***

**JP: **Young paddawan, may the force be with you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author: **Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

**JP: **Will you please be quiet?

**Author: **Oh, sorry, I'm just in _pain_ right now. No big deal.

**JP: **Shhh! I'm writing the sixth Maximum Ride book!

**Author: **Oooh! You are? Can I help?

**JP: **No.

**Author: **Why not?

**JP: **No.

**Author: **Why not??

**JP: **No.

**Author:** Are you going to say no to everything I say?

**JP: **No.

**Author: **Liar!

**JP:** Okay FINE you can help me!!

**Author: ***Does happy dance*

**JP: **What do you think – should Fang kiss Max or another girl?

**Author: **Another girl! Another girl!

**JP: **Whom?

**Author: **Someone with brown hair and hazel eyes and Sketchers and who has kitty cats and dogs and a hamster and an evil twin and loves texting! *smiles, for she knows she just described herself*

**JP: **And wherever will we find someone who matches that description?

**Author: **PICK ME! PICK ME!! PICK ME!!!

**JP: **Nah. Let's just go with Max.

**Author: ***Frowns* We'll just see about that… *cackles evilly*

**JP: **Did you just laugh manically?

**Author: **I prefer to call it "cackling".

**JP: **Okay gotcha. Now who should Max get abducted by?

**Author: **OOH! I know! Let someone with brown hair and hazel eyes and Sketch –

**JP: **You are not going to be in my book.

**Author: **What makes you so sure?

**JP: I'm** the one writing it.

**Author: **Good point.

**JP: **Yes, I know.

**Author: **Do you like purple llamas?

**JP: **Excuse me?

**Author: **You heard me.

**JP: **No I didn't.

**Author: **Yes you did. You are lying!

**JP: **If I was lying, wouldn't my pants be on fire?

**Author: **Maybe you purchased the non-flammable type!

**JP: **Maybe I did.

**Author: **IGGY!!!!

***Iggy walks in***

**Author: **Did JP purchase non-flammable pants?

**Iggy:** Well….

**FLASHBACK**

**JP: **Do these pants make my butt look big?

**Iggy: **Nope.

**JP: **Did you look?

**Iggy: **Nope. Are you getting the non-flammable type of pants?

**JP: **Yes… are you?

**Iggy: **All of mine are non-flammable. For obvious reasons.

**JP: **You lie a lot?!

**Iggy: **No! I make bombs!

**JP: **Right.

**Iggy: **You should've known that.

**JP: **I, um, did. I was just testing you.

**Iggy: **Yeah. Suuuuuuuure.

**END FLASHBACK **

**Author: **You did! You liar!

**JP: **OK YES I DID! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME WRITE MY BOOK!!!!

**Author: ***Gets scared and runs out of room with Iggy following behind closely*

**JP: **Finally. Some peace and quiet!


	3. Chapter 3

**Author: **I'm sooooooooooo lonely. Sooooooooooo lonely.

**JP: ***is quiet*

**Author: **SOOOOOOOooooooooooooo lonely! Oh, whatever will I do?

**JP: ***still quiet*

**Author: **SOOOOOOOOOOO –

**JP: **Okay!

**Author: **What?

**JP: **What do you want?

**Author: **Nothing.

***JP goes back to writing***

**Author:** JP.

**JP: ***ignores Author*

**Author: **JP!

**JP: ***ignores Author*

**Author: **JP JP JP JP JP JP JP JP JP JP JP JP JP JP!

**JP: ***clearly annoyed* WHAT?!

**Author: **I forgot.

**JP: **Urrgg!

**Author: **You are such an E.M.O.

**JP: **How am I emo?

**Author: **I said you are such an E.M.O.

**JP: **Okay, how I am E.M.O.?

**Author: **You're not.

**JP: **But you just sa-

**Author: **Alas, young paddawan, I did not.

**JP: **THAT"S MY LINE!

**Author: **I know.

**JP: **Anyway you clearly said, "I am such an emo."

**Author: ***in exasperated tone* Yes! I know what I said!

**JP: **Well then that doesn't make sense!

**Author: **Or does it?

**JP: **What?

**Author: **Sometimes you act like such an old man!

**JP: **I am an old man!

**Author: **No, I don't think so. Old people are on the verge of dying. And if you die, I will kill you. Even though you're already dead.

**JP: **Why?

**Author: **BECAUSE you'd be leaving hundreds of millions of fans Maximum Ride-less!

**JP: **Oh ok good point. But back to the whole emo thing –

**Author: **JUST DROP IT!

**JP: ***shrinking lower in his chair* Ok!

**Author: **Have you seen the new Hannah Montana movie?

**JP: **Um, no?

**Author: **WHY NOT?!

**JP: **Cause I don't like her?

**Author: **AAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

**JP: **Okay! I like her!!!!

**Author: **Ahhh. That's better.

**JP: ***talking to a flower* May Day, may day. Come in, Feather Two. Issue a May Day. Need back-up.

**Author: **You don't want to spend time with me??

**JP: **No, no, of course I do!

**Author: **Then why did you call for Backup?

**JP: W**hat are you talking about?

**Author: **You know what!

***Just then, Fang walks in***

**Author: **FANG!

**Fang: **Hey.

**Author: **I am your biggest fan!!

**JP: **Thank goodness. Now I will make my escape!

**Fang: **So, wanna go for a walk?

**Author: **Sure!!

***Fang takes Author's hand and they walk out the door, while Author is giggling uncontrollably***

**JP: **Wow.

**Max: **I know, right?

**________________________ ___________________________ _________________________ ____________________________ _________________________ **

Hey! Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! If you did, please review! Also, if you would like to be featured in the story, tell me and I'll put you in! Thanks again!

**Fang: **Review. I know you want to.

Fang! Shush! We're not writing the story anymore!

**Fang: **Oh. Sorry. But seriously, revie-

Shush!


	4. Chapter 4

**AUTHOR AND FANG ARE WALKING IN THE PARK**

**Author: **La la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

**Fang: **Why are you singing?

**Author: **Why is the sky blue?

**Fang: **Um, I don't know. But seriously, why are you singing?

**Author: **Why do cows have tongues?

**Fang: **Um… I have no idea. But why are you singing?

**Author: **Why do flashlights emit light?

**Fang: **Are you just trying to distract me?

**Author: ***nods head* Yeah, pretty much.

**Fang: **Well it's not going to work. What were we talking about?

**Author: **I dunno…. *smiles evilly, for she knows her plan has worked!!*

**Fang: **Hmmm oh well.

**Author: **OOOH A BUTTERFLY!

**Fang: **OOH YAY!

**__________________ ____________________ ______________**

**ELSEWHERE, THE STORY CONTINUES WITH JP AND MAX**

**JP: **Max – what do you want to do in the sixth book?

**Max: **I think I should kill Fang.

**JP: **Why?

**Max: **Because! He and I were supposed to have a date tonight! And he's out with that petty fan-girl!

**JP: **Oh.

**Max: **Yeah. I think we should get revenge…

**JP: **Oh sure. Because that's just what _all _old men like me do.

**Max: **Fine. Miss out on the fun.

***Max skips out of the door, leaving JP puzzled and annoyed and grateful and scared at the same time***

**JP: **Did she just call me an old man?

**__________________ ____________________ ______________**

**AT THE PARK, WITH FANG AND AUTHOR**

**Fang: **You have really pretty eyes.

**Author: **Heheeheee! Thanks!

**Fang: **I like your shoes.

**Author: **Really? They're S-

**Fang: **Sketchers. I know. Awesome.

**Author: **Do you have any Sketchers?

**Fang: **You better believe it! *Lifts feet to show Author his Sketchers*

**Author: **OMF! They're like mine!

**Fang: **Yeah. Pretty cool.

**Author: **You are really cute.

**Fang: **Thanks.

**Author: **Do you like orange sherbet ice-cream?

**Fang: **Ew, no.

**Author: **That's too bad. Because Max and Iggy are ten feet away, armed with Nerf guns filled with it. Only it's melted.

**Fang: **Oh great.

**Author: **Don't worry. I have a plan.

**__________________ ____________________ ______________**

**TEN FEET AWAY FROM WHERE FANG AND AUTHOR ARE SITTING**

**Max: ***completely oblivious to the fact that Fang and Author now know she is there* Mwah. Mwaha. Mwahaha.

**Iggy: **Are you sure this is such a good idea?

**Max: **Of course I am! Do you remember the plan?

**Iggy: **Yup. I'll get Fang, you'll get the Author.

**Max: **Good. Ready?

**Iggy: **Ready.

**Max: **Aim…

**Iggy: **Aimed.

**Max: **FIRE!!!!

**_____________________ ____________________ ____________________ _____________________ ___________________ ____________________ __________________ **

**Fang: **Reeeevieeeeeeeeeewwwwww!

Shut up!

**Fang: **Make me!

Okay, fine! Get over here!

**Fang: **Fine! *Walks over*

*I pull out a nerf-gun filled with melted orange sherbet ice-cream*

**Fang: **NOOOOO! I"LL BE QUIET!!!

That's better. Anyway, before we were so _rudely_ interrupted by someone, I just wanted to say thanks for reading! I'll put you in the story if you say so in a review! Thanks!

**Fang: ***whispering* Reeeeeevvviiiiieeeewwwwwww!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Author: **Jingle Joggle Joozy Foosh – Turn us now, into moosh!

***Fang and Author melt into mush as Max and Iggy fire their Nerf guns.***

**Max: **What the?

**Iggy: **What happened?

**Max: **They're gone!!

***Fang and Author slosh away, leaving Max and Iggy behind.***

**Author: **Jingle Joggle Joozy Foosh – we no longer need be moosh!

***Fang and Author regain their humanoid shapes***

**Fang: **How did you do that?

**Author: **It's a secret…

**Fang: **Will you tell me?

**Author: ***enjoying this* Nope.

**Fang: **Will you if I kiss you?

**Author: **Yup.

***Fang and Author lean in for a kiss, but are abruptly stopped my something flying out of the nearest tree***

**Mysterious Unknown Flying Ninja: **Hiiiiiyyyyaaaaa!!

***Author falls backward***

**Fang: **Woah. Who are you?

**Mysterious Unknown Flying Ninja: **I am… SPARTA! *Laughs to herself* No, no. I'm Marissa.

**Fang: **Woah. That was a pretty awesome move.

**Mysterious Unknown Flying Ninja, otherwise known as Marissa: **Yeah. I've been practicing.

***Author sits up, dazed***

**Marissa: **Hey there, Author. Or should I say, _cousin??_

**Author: **Cousin? Marissa?!

**Marissa: **Yes, it is I. You may bask in my glory.

**Author: **What's your problem?! I was just about to kiss Fang!

**Marissa: **I know. And I can't let you do that.

**Author: ***Stands up* And why not?

**Marissa: **Because I am in love with Fang!

**Author: **But I am too!!

**Marissa: **I read the series before you!

**Author: **So? I was _born_ before you!

**Marissa: **It's only five months! Gosh! And Fang's mine!!

**Author: **HE'S MINE!!!

**Marissa: **He's mine!

**Author: **He's mine!

**Marissa: **He's mine!

**Author: **He's mi-

**Fang: **Okay, okay, enough! I know how to settle this!

**Author and Marissa in unison: **HOW?!?

**Fang: **We shall have – a tournament.

**Author: **What?

**Marissa: **Why?

**Fang:** It will be a series of test that I make up, testing you on strength, intelligence, and maturity!

**Author: **Hey Marissa – I know you're gonna lose.

**Marissa: **Why? Cause I know you're gonna lose!

**Author: **Because I am stronger than you!!

**Marissa: **Oh yeah? Well I'm more mature than you!

**Author: **Ugh!

**Marissa: **Ugh!

**Author and Marissa in unison: **I don't want to do the tournament!

**Fang: **Why not?

**Author and Marissa: **It's useless!

**Fang: **Winner gets a kiss….

**Marissa: **I'm IN!

**Author: **Me TOO!

**_____________ _____________________ ______________________ _______________________ ____________________ _________________ _____________**

**BACK AT THE PARK**

**Max: **They just disappeared!

**Iggy: **Wow!

**Max: **I know!

**Iggy: **We just wasted six tubs of orange sherbet ice-cream too!

**Max: **I know… but who really likes it anyway?

***Max and Iggy throw their Nerf guns into the nearby forest.***

**Iggy: **I'll race you home.

**Max: **You're on!!

**_____________ _____________________ ______________________ _______________________ ____________________ _________________ _____________**

**BACK AT JP'S PLACE**

**JP: **Hummm, de dummmm, de duuuumm, da drum……

**Angel: **What are you singing?

**JP: **Nothing really.

**Angel: **Oh, ok.

**JP: **Are you reading my mind?

**Angel: **Yeah. Did you know that in your subconscious thoughts, you are thinking about llamas?

**JP: **That's very interesting. What is Jonny thinking about?

**Angel: **Who's Jonny?

**JP: **My pet alpaca.

**Aangel: **Oooh! I love alpacas!

**JP: **He's outside.

***Angel skips out of the door to go play with Jonny, the pet alpaca.***

**_____________ _____________________ ______________________ _______________________ ____________________ _________________ _____________**

LOL. My twin brother – we are fraternal (meaning we are twins but not identical; I am a girl and he is a boy) –is having troubles with the shade on the window. I'm laughing at him. I don't think he knows he has to move the string to the side and _then_ pull on it to make it go down. Oh well. Let him be frustrated. He just stormed off. LOL. That was hilarious.

Anyways, thanks for reading. Wait – he just came back. After a bit of struggling he finally got it. Wait a sec… he can't get it down all the way. There's about an inch of space left from the windows sill and the shade. He's getting mad.

ANYWAYS, I hope you enjoyed. And you know that Jingle Joggle whatever chant? Did you know that "joggle" is a real word? Seriously it is.

JOGGLE (Noun): 1. Shaking action. A gentle shaking motion or action. 2. Masonry Joint. A joint between two pieces of masonry or concrete, in which a projection on one fits into a recess of another. JOGGLE (Verb) 1. Shake. Transitive and intransitive verb to shake something gently, or be shaken. Example - The table joggled and my soda spilled all over. 2. Fix masonry with joggle. Transitive verb to join pieces of masonry or concrete with a joggle. Synonyms for joggle – shake, wiggle, waggle, jiggle, jerk, bump, knock.

So there's a little info for ya! Look at that, you learned something new! Tell _that _to your mother or father when they catch you reading fan-fiction late at night! Yay!

Please review.

**Fang: **Yes. Review.

Shoosh!

**Fang: **Whatever. Here, I'll tell you how to do it. Move your finger. Click on the green review button. Type in something. Press the submit button. Ahhh, there we go.

Okay, that's enough commentary from you, Fang.

**Fang: **No, I don't think s-

Would you like to be tied up with the others? *Smiles evilly*

**Fang: **No!

That's what I thought. And M – if you are reading this – we really should see who's stronger. And did you like your Mysterious Unknown Flying Ninja part in this chapter? LOL Anyways text me – I'll have my phone on*. :)

**_____________ _____________________ ______________________ _______________________ ____________________ _________________ _____________**

*** - Probably, but most likely not.**

**I LOVE YAMS!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Fang: **And now, ladies and gentlemen, the tournament shalth begin!!

**Author: **Oh please. Just get on with it.

**Fang: **Hey. I am the annou-

**Marissa: **Yeah yeah, _we know_. Just get on with it before we kill you, okay?

**Nudge:** Killing solves nothing.

**Iggy: **Totally not true, Nudge.

**Angel: **Actually, killing is bad.

**Iggy: **Yeah, wel-

**Fang: **OKAY! THE TOURNAMENT IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!

***Silence from everyone. They are scared.***

**Fang: **Now that I have your attention, it is time to introduce your first challenge.

**Author: **Challenge?

**Marissa: **Excuse me?

**Fang: **Quiet! I will now introduce your first challenge. It will take your strength, intelligence, and most of all, your knowledge of The Wizard of Oz.

**Marissa: **What?! The _Wizard of Oz??_

**Fang: **Yes. You will have to fight for your life. There is only one opponent in this challenge.

**Author: ***To Marissa* This is so boring!

**Fang: **AUTHOR! NEED I REMIND YOU AGAIN?

***Silence***

**Fang: **Much better. Your opponent is: PANDA!!!!!!!!!!!

**Max: **A panda? Seriously, Fang? Wow. Just wow.

**Fang: **Not _a _panda. PANDA!!!!!!!!!!!

**Author and Marissa in unison: **And who is PANDA!!!!!!!!!!! ???

**Fang: **Panda is a flying purple monkey!!

**Angel: **A monkey??

**JP: **Yes, young one, that is what he said. Monkeys are mammals that liv-

**Fang: **Okay, JP. Enough pearls of wisdom for today. Anyway, you are to fight Panda with all of your strength, intelligence, and most importantly your knowledge of The Wizard of Oz.

**Marissa: **Okay… what's the catch?

**Fang: **No catch.

**Author: **I think you're lying.

**Fang: **My pants aren't on fire, are they?

**Max: **Actually, they are…

***Fang jumps up and down screaming***

**Max: **I wonder when he'll notice they really aren't….

**THREE HOURS LATER**

**Fang: **Are they out yet?

**The Flock, JP, Marissa, and Author: **YES!!!!!

**Fang: **Very well. Your objective is simple. Get to the other side.

**Author: **Okay… how hard can it be, right?

**Marissa: **We'll soon find out.

**Fang: **LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!!

**Gazzy: **Da da da da da da da da da da da da da d-

**Nudge: **Okay! Enough with the da da's!

**IN THE TOURNAMENT ARENA WITH MARISSA AND AUTHOR**

**Marissa: **Where's Panda?

**Author: **This sucks.

**Marissa: **I know, right?

**Author: **Yeah. Hey look! It's Panda!

***A giant purple monkey flies in from above***

**Panda: **I am PANDA!!!!!!!!

**Author and Marissa in unison: ***sarcastically* Yay…

**Panda: **Feel my wrath!!

***Panda, the flying purple monkey, opens up the backpack she had slung over her shoulder. Millions of tiny things fly out and swarm Marissa and Author.***

**Marissa and Author: AHHHHH**HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE THESE THINGS?!?!??!?!?!?!?

**Panda: **They are…………………………… KITTY HOG-NOSED BATS!

**Marissa: **Not the kind smaller than your thumb!!

**Author: **How the heck did you know that?

**Panda: **YES! They are the kind smaller than your thumb! Mwahahaha!

**Marissa and Author: **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

***Marissa and Author are then attacked by millions of kitty hog-nosed bats, which just so happen to like eating the color pink. Marissa and Author are, sadly, wearing pink.***

**_________________ ____________________ ___________________ ________________ _______________ ________________ __________________ __________________ **

Hey! Thanks for reading! This chapter was sooooo fun to write!

A _very_ big thanks goes out to Randomitis Sufferer, who wanted to be in the story. She is the awesome flying purple monkey named Panda. She also supplied the cool fact that kitty hog-nosed bats are smaller than your thumb! Isn't that amazing?? Anyway, thanks for reviewing, Randomitis Sufferer, and see my read my next chapter, coming soon, to see what happens in the rest of the tournament!

If you have any fun facts you'd like me to put into the story, or maybe you have some fun ideas, or quite possibly you are just crazy (like me!!) review this story! Your review could change the ENTIRE STORY! (Cue the creepy music….)

So there you have it. I'm not usually on the computer on weekdays, but today is an exception. And probably tomorrow will be too. And if not, I'll sneak on and write another chapter, okay? Okay! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

**Fang: **But maybe they didn't review yet!

Hey! Shush!

**Fang: **Please review.

Shush! Do you _want _to be attacked by Panda?

**Fang: **No. Sorry.

That's what I thought. So thanks for reading! And remember – don't wear pink when you are attacked by millions of kitty hog-nosed bats!!

**Fang: **And don't forget to review!!

PANDA!!!!!!!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Fang: **You guys okay?

**Marissa: **Ehhhhhh….

**Author: **Mrrrgg….

**Fang: **OK…. Maybe not…

**Panda: **Um… I didn't know they liked pink so much…

**Marissa: **That was my favorite shirt…

**Author: **I – I – my underwear wa- was pink…

**Panda: **Oh. Sorry.

**Fang: **Um.

**Author: **I feel a breeze….

**Marissa: **My shirt! Destroyed!

**Panda: **I'm, um, really sorry. I didn't know my babies would do that…

**Author: **Yeah, well, they did.

**Marissa: **Yes. They did.

***Marissa and Author struggle to their feet and step slowly toward Panda, the purple flying monkey***

**Marissa: **Reveeeeeeeeeeeeeenge!

**Author: **Muuuuuusssssssssst geeeeeeeeeeeet…

**Marissa: **Reveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeengggeee!

**Panda: **I will survive!

***Panda flies into the sky, never to be seen again.***

**Fang: **Um, how about the next tournament?

**Marissa: **Come heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere.

**Author: **It's tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime.

**Fang: **Ha, yeah, no.

***Fang flies up into the sky also, but we will see him tomorrow***

**Author: **Want some pickles?

**Marissa: **Need you ask twice?

***Marissa and Author eat up some nummy pickles***

**____________________ _________________________ ________________________ ___________________________ ______________________ __________________________**

Hey! Sorry this chapter was so short! Everyone who asked to be in the story – don't worry! Your time is coming!! I just have to write the chapters, so yeah. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

**Fang: What if they di-**

Shooosh! We already went over this, Fang!

**Fang: Right. Sorry.**

Okay then.

Next chapter will be up soon! : D


	8. Chapter 8

**Fang: **And now, ladies and gentlemen, the tournament shalth begin!!

**Author: **I'm still hurting…

**Marissa: **I will avenge my shirt…

**Fang: **Okay! This is challenge number TWO!

**Iggy: **Wait, who won number one?

**Fang: **No one, really. Both Marissa and Author were brutally defeated by bats.

**Marissa and Author: **HEY!

**Iggy: **Okay then. Go on.

**Fang: **We will be testing how long you can hold your breath underwater.

**Marissa: **Yes!

**Author: **No!

**Fang: **Yes!

**TEN FEET AWAY, CONCEALED IN BUSHES, IS AN UNEXPECTED VISITOR**

**Shay: **Fang! He's here! Yay! I will now eat my Nerds Rope.

***Nerds Rope is being consumed.***

**Shay: **Oooh! Fang. He's _right _there! I can't believe it! And I'm glad I never wear pink. You won't see me being brutally defeated by bats anytime soon!

***Angel turns her head in Shay's general direction***

**Shay: **No! I cannot be discovered! My spying is secretive… very secretive…

***Shay silently dives deeper into the bushes, laughing, never to be discovered***

**BACK AT WHERE FANG AND THE REST OF EVERYONE IS**

**Fang: **There is big pool. You be tested on ability to hold breath.

**Marissa: **Okay! Let's go!

***Marissa and Author climb into the pool***

**Fang: **Ready! Set! GO!

***Marissa and Author suck in a breath before going underwater.***

**Fang: **_1_

_2_

_3_

_4_

_5_

_6_

_7_

_8_

_9_

_10_

_11_

_12_

_13_

_14_

_15_

**Author: **UUUUUHHHHHHH!!!!!! *That was air whooshing into her mouth, if you didn't notice.*

**Fang: **Marissa is the winner!!

**Author: **Schnitzel!

**JP: **What?

**Author: **Ugh.

***Marissa is still underwater***

**Author: **I'll go get her.

***Marissa shoots out of the water, choking and sputtering***

**Author: **OHMYFANGSHEISDYING!

***Fang dives into the pool, scoops Marissa up into his arms, and puts her on the grass***

**Author: **DO SOMETHING!

***Fang then leans in to give her mouth-to-mouth***

**Gazzy: **Ew!

***As Fang's lips meet Marissa's, she is suddenly revived and puts her arms around Fang. They kiss passionately.***

**Author: **Why I oughta –

**Max: **Fang!!

**Fang: **What?

**Marissa: ***Smiles goofily*

**Max: **You – you – you- you – ug!

**Author: **Marissa! FANG IS MINE!

**Max: **EXCUSE ME? FANG IS MINE!

**Marissa: **Actually, FANG IS MINE!

**Marissa, Max, and Author: **UGG!

**Nudge: **Uggs? _Where?? _I want some!! The brown kind with the pretty fur on the inside that come in that cool bo-

**JP: ***Sigh* How foolish they are, my Angel.

**Angel: **Totally. Where's Jonny?

**______________________ _______________________ ________________________ ________________________ ________________________ ____________________ ____________________**

LOL! Hoped you liked it! Shayne Rider – you were Shay, if you didn't notice! And M – you got your kiss – so the favor's repaid! LOL Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing! I'll be writing the next chapter soon, so stay tuned! And just to let you know, nudge-potter, you're next in the story! Yay!

**Fang: **I'm telling ya, what if they didn't review??

Hey! Shush!

**Fang: **What if I don't?

I'll sic Jonny on you!

***Silence***


	9. Chapter 9

Okay, I lied. I'm SORRY! I totally messed up. Nudge-potter, so, but its not your turn yet. Anyway, this is just random. TTYATEOTC! (Talk-to-you-at-the-end-of-the-chapter!)

_____________ ______________ _________________ _________________ _________________ _______________ ______________ ________________ _________________ ________________

_**From the life of Jonny**_

**Jonny: **I am an alpaca. Alpaca. My name is Jonny. Jonny. I like James. James. And bread. Bread. I also like avocados. Avocados. I like repeating things. Did you notice? Notice. Yum yum bread. Bread. Oooh! Angel!

**Angel: **Hi Jonny!

**Jonny: **Hi.

**Angel: **Who are you talking to?

**Jonny: **Nobody.

**Angel: **Oh, okay. Would you like some bread?

**Jonny: **BREAD!

**Angel: **I'll take that as a yes.

**Jonny: **Yum yum bread. Bread is yum yum.

**Angel: **Yep! See you soon!

**Jonny: **Now I can be… … …. … … … … … SUPER-J!

**A professional choir: **_SUPER-J_! _He's a fighting machine!_ _He'll roll in the dirt,_ _yet he's always so clean!_ _He fights evil with good,_ _he's always awake!_ _He keeps the city in control_ _and eats bread on his breaks! He's SUPER-J!_

***Jonny galumphs off into the sunset, his rainbow cape swirling behind him. All you can hear is the**_** clip-clop-clip-clop **_**of his hooves pounding along the stone road…***

_____________ ______________ _________________ _________________ _________________ _______________ ______________ ________________ _________________ ________________

Haha, there's Jonny the alpaca for ya! Oooh, the newspaper! I'll look through it… OHMIFANG! LOOK WHAT I JUST FOUND!

_**Are you being beaten up? Do you need some help? Well fear bullies no longer! Super-J is here to help! Just call 1-800-SUPERJ1 and your worries will be over!**_

He has an ad in the paper?! I need to talk to him about this.

"JONNY!!"

He's not replying. Either: A) He's asleep. B) He's being Super-J. Or C) He's eating a piece of bread. He tends to focus on only the bread whenever he eats it. Yeah. He likes it that much. Anyway, thanks for reading. Sorry nudge-potter, again, but I messed up. I think I've been doing too much homework. LOL!

By the way: I NEED SOME IDEAS! MY BRAIN HAS TURNED TO MOOOOSH! Well, not really. But still! Review! Here's some questions that need to be answered:

1) What should the next tournament be?

2) Who should win it?

3) Who do you think will be the winner of the tournament – Marissa or the Author?

4) How do you like the story so far?

I need some constructive criticism! So c'mon, help me!

**TTYWIPTNCOF-F! **Let's see. The first person to guess what that stands for correctly wins something awesome! If you win, you can choose your prize! So guess! C'mon, you can do it! It's really simple. Thanks!

By the way, I think I'll post tomorrow. It depends. So bye!


	10. Chapter 10

**AT NIGHT, WHERE MARISSA AND THE AUTHOR ARE SLEEPING. OR ARE THEY?**

**Wingz: **Ba dum, ba dum, ba dum ba dum ba dum, ba dum, ba duuuuuuuuuuuuum, dum, dum dum dum dum dum!

**Author: **Did you hear that?

**Marissa: **Noooooooo. Go to sleep!

**Wingz: **Ba dum.

**Author: **You've got to have heard it that time!

**Marissa: **What?

**Wingz: **Ba dum ba dum!

**Author: **Did you hear that??

**Marissa: **No! Go to sleep!

**Author: **Gosh, you're deaf!!

**Wingz: **I totally agree.

**Author: **I know! I can yell in her ear and she won't notice!

**Wingz: **Totally. Ya know, once my best frien-

**Author: **OH MY FANG WHO AM I TALKING TO??

**Marissa: **Lights!

***The lights go on***

**Author: **Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

**Marissa: **Whaaaaaaaaaaa???

**Wingz: **Heeeeeeeeeeeeey!

**Author: **AHHHHHH! How'd you get in here?!?!?

**Wingz: **Through the window. They should really make locks stronger nowadays.

**Author: **Marissssssaaaaaaa! There's a crazy person in here!

**Marissa: **No there isn't! Who the heck are you talking to?

**Author: ***Motions in front of her* Her! Right there!

**Marissa: **There's no one there! Now go to sleep, _before I kill you!_

**Wingz: ***whispers* Only you can see me.

**Author: **YA THINK?

**Wingz: **Hi. I'm Wingz.

**Author: **Hi, I'm –

**Wingz: **The Author. I know.

**Author: **Hahaa, okaaay, creepy!

**Wingz: **It's okay. I've just been spying on you for the last two days.

**Author: **The last two days??

**Wingz: **Yup. Did you know Fang sleeps with his shirt off?

**Author: **OHMIFANG he does?!

**Wingz: **Yeah.

**Author: **Fang! My prince!

**Marissa: **SHUT UP OR DIE!

**Wingz: **Sheesh!

**Author:** Can she hear you too?

**Wingz: **Nope.

**Author: **Cool.

**Wingz: **Yeah. Well, I'd better go.

**Author: **But you just got here!

**Wingz: **Yes, I know. But you need your sleep.

**Author: **True…

**Wingz: **So sleep well, Author.

**Author: ***eyes drooping* Hmm, okay…

**Wingz: Nano nano. **Go forth and prosper!

***Wingz disappears from view.***

**Author: **But I'm noly figenn cesh…

**______________________ ____________________ ____________________ _____________________ __________________ _________________ ______________________ _______________________**

Haha. There you go, Wingz are me17! Hoped you liked your part! As always, super fun to write. I just had an epiphany! Kind of. I guess… : ) Anyhoodle (yes I am stealing your line, M!), thanks for reading. I'm not going to say 'reading and reviewing' because that will make Fang go crazy. Again. For like, the ninth time. So thanks for reading, again, and please review! Thank-you everyone who reviewed!

In case you're wondering, the next person to be featured in this story-thingie will be nudge-potter! Yay! And this time I didn't make a mistake. I just go by the order on which you reviewed. So yeah.

If you have any questions, any ideas, or any craziness you just _have _to tell me about, go ahead! I'll be waiting!

**Fang: **Review.

Hush!

**Fang: **Make me!

Oooh, okay… this should be fun!

**Fang: **Not the melted sherbet ice-cream!

Oh yes.


	11. Chapter 11

**THE MORNING AFTER THE MYSTERIOUS VISITING…**

**Fang: **Rise and shine!

**Marissa: **I'm up!

**Author: **Mrrgg.

**Fang: **Get up!

**Author: **Okayy, okay!

**Fang: **Meet in the field after breakfast.

**Marissa: **Whatever you say!

**Author: **Could you _be _any more of a suck up?

**Marissa: **Oh pleeeeaaase. Like you aren't?

**Author: **No, I'm not!

**Marissa: **Are too!

**Author: **Are not!

**Marissa: **Are too!

**Author: **Are not!

**JP: **Girls!

**Marissa: **Sorry.

**Author: **Sorry.

**JP: **We need to get to the field!

**Marissa: **Why?

**Author: **Smart people know.

**Marissa: **Okay then, why?

**Author: **Uhhh, ask JP!

**Marissa: **That's what I thought!

**JP: **You will know when you get there, okay, girls? Now hurry!

**Author: (to JP) **You don't know either, huh?

**JP: **Nope.

**IN THE FIELD…**

**Fang: **Now that we are all here, let the games begin! For this tournament, you will be chasing Jonny! Whoever catches him the quickest wins!

**Author: **This is the stupidest idea ever.

**Fang: **I picked it.

**Author: **And suddenly it is so brilliant!

**Marissa: **Toldja, SUCK UP.

**Author: **Be quiet!

**Marissa: **Suuuuuuck uuuup….

**Fang: **And now, Marissa will be going first! Your time starts…………………………………………………………………………… NOW!

***Marissa dashes after Jonny. Fang forgot to tell her that Jonny gets scared when someone chases him. Jonny runs around the arena, making odd noises that resemble chalk. After fourteen minutes and fifty-six seconds of chasing Jonny without catching him, Marissa gives up.***

**Fang: **Author, it is now your turn to catch the great and powerful Jonny! GO!!!

***Author walks toward Jonny, holding out her hand. She calmly approaches him and is about to grab him when, BOOM! A giant rock falls from the sky and knocks Author unconscious.***

**Marissa: **OMG, I have to post this to MySpace and Facebook and YouTube!!

**Nudge: **Send it to me!

***Whilst Author is lying on the ground, and no one is paying any attention to anything around them, an unidentified figure bursts from the nearby apple tree.***

**Abby: **I AM ABBY! FEAR ME!!!!!!!!

***Abby proceeds to chase Jonny around.***

**Nudge: **Is she wearing……. Zebra pants??

**Max: **Yes, yes she is. And she has hair like Elvis Presley.

**Nudge: **She is wearing two pairs of sunglasses too. I wonder if that could be better than just one pair. I mean, it's like, double the protection from the sun, right? And I mean, hers are so stylish too! Look at them! One pair is sparkly and the other pair is glow in the dark! That is like, awesuuummM!! I should try that sometime! I'm always complaining how my eyes are still hurting from the sun with only one pair of sunglasses, but with TWO, problem solved! OOH! Look! She's carrying a purple rubber ducky too! I bet it's by Juicy Couture. Did you know they now make bath toys? It's so cool! You can get a rubber ducky in any color, even rainbow! I think you should get me one of them for my birthday. It is coming up you know. OOOooooOOOoooo pizza!

**Max: *snoring***

**Nudge: **Well then! I see you don't care about me or what I want for my birthday. Hmmpph**!**

**Max: *snorinnnng***

**Marissa: **Hmmm. I think Abby just successfully caught Jonny without shooting him with a tranquilizer gun or enticing him with a piece of bread.

**Fang: **You know, you are right! And the winner of this tournament is………………………………. AAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Abby: **Yay! Yipppeee! Cowabunga!!!!!!!!!

***Abby flies off into the distance on her high-tech motorized scooter named Ted.***

**Marissa: **Well, what are we gonna do about Author and Max?

**Iggy: **Leave 'em there.

**Fang: **Good idea.

**___________________________________ _______________________________________ ________________________________________ ____________________________________**

Taaaa DAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Finally……….. new chapter!

I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't updated in AGES and I'm sorrrrrryyy!!! Please forgive me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was in Colorado and Hawaii, during the summer, and now it's school!!!! PLEASE FORGIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to try to write a chapter once every week, maybe more!, so stay tuned for the rest of the fanfic. Thanks for reading!

And also, please review! It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside…… kind of like when I torture Fang with melted sherbet ice-cream. Ooops. Did I just say that out loud?

**Fang: **Yes, you did just say that out loud. And I find no warm fuzzies when you are torturing me. You know I hate melted sherbet ice-cream!

Ahhh, and that is what makes it all the more fun.

**Fang: **ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNyway, review! REVIEW! Reeeeeeeeeevvviiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh no, not this again.

**Fang: **Oh yes.

Say it one more time, and you get tortured tonight.

**Fang: **Review!

That's it.** *calling on cellular phone* **Hello, Jim's Fish Shop? Yes, I would like to place an order for twenty live goldfish. Yes please, delivery will be excellent. 12345 House ABC Road, Alphabet, AZ, 98765. Thank-you!

**Fang: **No. You did not just do that.

**Yes. **I did just do that. Prepare to wake up in a tank of GOLDFISH!

**Fang: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** *Runs away in terror***

Did I not warn him?


	12. Chapter 12

**Fang: **Hello.

**Marissa: **Hi there.

**Author: **'Ello, mate!

**Fang: **Excuse me?

**Marissa: **I have no idea.

**Author: **I'm 'alkin wi'h a Bri'ish accen'. I can't say 't'.

**Fang: **What?

**Marissa: **British accents have t's in them, smart one.

**Author: **Oh.

**Fang: **Marissa, wanna go get some frozen yogurt?

**Marissa: **Sure.

***Marissa and Fang leave to go get some yogurt, of the frozen species.***

**Author: **Mooooooooo.

**Jonny: **Baaaaaaaaaaa.

**Author: **Jonny, I wuv woo! I wuv woo wittle Wonny!

**Jonny: **Oinkle oinkle oink oinkle.

**Author: **Huh?

**Jonny: **Oink oinkle.

**Author: **IiiiiiigggGGGGgggyyyy!!!!!

**Iggy: **What, Author?

**Author: **Sing with me!

**Iggy: **No.

**Author: **Yesss.

**Iggy: **You have a lisp.

**Author: **I know.

**Iggy: **Okay.

**Author: **Okay.

**Iggy: **What?

**Author: **What?

**Iggy: **Wanna go get some icecream?

**Author: **Yessirree.

***Iggy and Author prance off in search of cream, of the icy sort."**

**Jonny: **Ba dun. Ba dunn. Ba dunnn.

**JP: **Jonny!!

**Jonny: **Oinkle oinkle.

**JP: **Oinkie oink oink.

**Jonny: **Oink oink oink oinkly oinkie!

**JP:** Okay, you win. Wanna go eat grass like apes?

**Jonny:** Oink**!**

***Jonny and JP go to frolic in the meadow, chomping on grass.***

**Max: **Hello…? Hellooo? Anyone home?

***silence***

**Max: **I guess not….

***more silence***

**Max: **Oh well. Now it's the perfect time to get revenge on Iggy and Fang……..

***FLASHBACK***

**Iggy: ***Snicker snicker*

**Fang: **Heheheee this is so much fun…

**Iggy: **Okay, you got the feather?

**Fang: **Nope, one second…. *Rips out one of Max's feathers from her wing* Okay, yep!

**Iggy: **I have the whipped cream. Just let me put it into her hand…… *Iggy pours whipped cream into Max's hand.*

**Fang: **Okay…. I'm gunna tickle her now….

**Iggy:** *Snuffling laughter* Pffsha….

**Fang: ***Tickles Max's nose with the feather*

***Max, disoriented, smacks her face with her hand, which was filled with whipped cream. She is startled into semi-consciousness and flips out.***

**Max:** LLAMAS!

**Iggy and Fang: **HAHAHAHAH!!!!!

**Max: **RUN FOR YOUR WINGED LIVES THE LLAMAS ARE COMING AND THEY ARENT HAPPY I TOOK THEIR SCYTHE FROM THE CLOSET AND NOW THEY HAVE A DEATHWISH AGAINST ME WUICKLY RUN TO THE KITTY PALACE BEFORE THE TANKS GET HERE WITH THE MACHINE GUNS FILLED WITH SPRINKLES AND OTHER DELIGHTFUL CONFECTIONS QUICKLY RUN!!!!!!

***Max hops up, and starts running. Into a wall.***

**Iggy and Fang: ***LMGTO*

***END FLASHBACK***

**Max: **Revenge……. Sweet revenge…….

………………………………………………………………………………**AN HOUR LATER…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….**

**Fang: **Hello..? Anyone here?

**Marissa: **Where'd everyone go??

**Author: **I'm back.

**Fang: **Where's Iggy? He texted me saying you guys were going to get some icecream.

**Author: **Yeah… I left him at the Ice Cream Shop.

**Marissa: **Why?

**Author: **He was being annoying.

**Fang: **How so?

**Author: **He kept saying he couldn't see…. I wonder why….

**Fang: **Oh my gosh. *sighs*

**Author: **What….?

**Marissa: **Sometimes you are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

**__________________________ _________________________________ ________________________________ _____________________________________ _________________________________**

Hey! I hope you didn't have to wait too horribly long for this chapter….. Now that school is back in session I have tuh-UNS of stuff to do. :D But that's okay!! Cause I have made a pact! To update every weekend! Unless, of course, a supernatural force stops me from doing so. So yeah. I'm listening to my iPod now. I love it. So much. So YEAH I'll try to update every weekend! I had nothing better to do today, so that's why I'm doing this….. although I gave myself a major headache thinking of things to do.

So thanks for reading. I appreciate it.

**Fang:** Review, please, kind sir or ma'am.

Fang, _please_, don't do this. Not now.

**Fang:** Don't do what? I am simply asking them to kindly review, for it makes me feel special when I see how many fans I have.

Okay, first of all, believe it or not, you aren't the center of attention.

**Fang:** How do you know?

Because I make the story, and I have the power to eliminate you from it.

**Fang:** Oh. Uh, good point.

Thank-you.

**Fang:** *whispering* Reeevvvviiiiiieeeeewwww!!!!

Okay, _that's it. _JP! Come here!!

**JP:** Oh my, dearie, I do feel special! I have never been in the after-words of the story!

Yes, I know. Bask in the glory.

**JP:** Anyway, what did you need?

In your next book, will you please have Fang suffer a slow and painful experience?

**JP:** Why yes, I shall consider this. What were you thinking of?

Mm, possibly chopping off some of his toes..? Or grafting a Siamese cat to his stomach, perhaps?

**JP:** Ah, yes, all good suggestions.

That is all.

***JP slips into the shadow of the night, not to be seen until the next chapter.***

**Fang:** Please! Anything but Siamese cats!

Oh, what, are you scared?

**Fang:** Yes!!!! Waaaahhhh!!!!

Hah. Your pain gives me joy.

___________________ ____________________________ _______________________________ _____________________________ _______________________________

Hey, also!!! If you want to be in the story, please say so. Give me what your name is, what you wanna look like, and anything else you want me to know about you. I'll put ya in the story!!!

I like fried chicken.


	13. Chapter 13

**Fang: **Here's a llama, there's a llama…

**Author: **And another little llama!

**Marissa: **Fuzzy llama, funny llama,

**Fang: **Llama llama duck.

**Author: **Llama, llama, cheesecake llama,

**Marissa: **Tablet, brick, potato llama,

**Fang: **Llama llama mushroom llama!

**Author:** Llama llama duck.

**Marissa: **I was once a tree house,

**Fang: **I lived in a cake!

**Author: **But I never saw the way the orange slayed the rake.

**Marissa: **I was only three years dead,

**Fang: **But it told a tale!

**Author: **And now listen, little child…

**Marissa: **…To the safety rail.

**Fang: **Did you ever see a llama,

**Author: **Kiss a llama, on the llama?

**Marissa: **Llama's llama, taste of llama!

**Fang: **Llama, llama, duck.

**Author: **Half a llama!

**Marissa: **Twice the llama!

**Fang: **Not a llama –

**Author: **Farmer llama!

**Marissa: **Llama in a car,

**Fang: **Alarm a llama, llama, duck.

**Author: **Is this how it's told now?

**Marissa: **Is it all so old??

**Fang: **Is it made of lemon juice???

**Author: **Doorknob!

**Marissa: **Ankle!

**Fang: **Cold!

**Author: **Now our song is getting thin,

**Marissa: **We've run out of luck!

**Fang, Marissa, and Author in unison: **Time for us to retire now, and become some ducks!

**Max: ***clutching head in agony* PLEASE! Stop singing the llama song!

**Fang: **Why should we?

**Author: **Yeah! *laughs* It's fun!

**Marissa: ***maniacal laugh* My evillll plan is working!!!

**Fang: **What evil plan?

**Marissa:** *darts eyes around* Nothing. Nothing at all…..

**Author: **Oookay, then! That's a bit scary….

**Fang: ***nervous laughter* Ha, um, I'm gonna just, er, go now…. Before, um, something bad happens….

**Author: **Wait for me!!

*******Author and Fang race out of the room, safe from Marissa's evil plan…. For now…..*******

**Max: **Uh, so….

**Marissa: ***smiles evilly* Why don't you step a bit closer, Max? I don't bite…. Hard…

**Max: **Um, yeah, about that…….. bye!!!

*******Max dashes out of the door, also safe from Marissa's evil plan. At least that's what she thinks.*******

**Marissa: **Well, that was easy. Now I can play WiiFit! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

*******Marissa runs to the Wii, and indulges in a hardy workout from WiiFit.*******

**LATER THAT DAY**

**Nudge: **Please?

**Max: **No.

**Nudge: **PLEASE??

**Max: **No.

**Nudge: **Puh-lease??

**Max: **No.

**Nudge: **Pweeeezzz!!!!

**Max:** FINE!

**Nudge: **Yay! Thankyou!! *Runs to Max and give her a bear hug*

**Max: **Can't….. breathe….!

**Nudge: **Oh, right. Sorry.

**Max: **Just get it, and go, okay?

**Nudge: **Okay!!

**Allison, store manager: **So have you decided on which one you would like, Krystal?

**Nudge (A.K.A. Krystal): **Yes. I would like the black hamster, please.

**Allison, store manager: **Okay. Anything else you would like?

**Nudge: **Yeah. Umm, I need a cage, and a lid, and a water bottle, and a food bowl, and some food to go in the food bowl, and some water for the water bottle. Oh! And some mineral chewie thingies and some salt block chewie things and a couple little wooden chewie things like those that are already in her cage…… Oh yeah! And some treats and more treats and MORE TREATS!!! You can never have enough treats! But one time, I ate so many chocolate cupcakes I puked. They were really good chocolate cupcakes. They were the best kind! They had sprinkles on them and vanilla frosting and mmm, mmm, mmm, were they good! Man, now I want some… I wonder if Max will buy me some…. OMG do you sell chocolate cupcakes here??

**Allison, store manager: **Uh, what did you need again? And no, we don't sell chocolate cupcakes, Krystal. This is a pet store.

**Nudge: **Oh. Right. Well, anyway, I'll go get the stuff I need while you get my hamster, okay?

**Allison, store manager: **Um, okay….

**Nudge: **Yay! Be right back!!

**TWO HOURS LATER**

**Nudge: **Awww, look!! She likes her new cage! She loves all the chewie things we got her! Awwww!!!! Awwwwwwww!!! Awwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWWWW!!! AWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! Look!!!!!!!! She made a noise at me!!! I wonder if hamsters can talk….. I bet they can!! I'll have to ask Angel!!!! Hamster, don't stop talking! I'll figure out your language!!!

**Max: ***muttering under breath* If you don't stop talking, I'm gonna put you in a cage!

**Nudge: **What was that?

**Max: **What? Oh, um, nothing!

*******Fang, Author, and Marissa walk into the room, wearing green elfish hats and leiderhosen.*******

**Fang: **Here's a llama! There's a llama!

**Author: **And another little llama!

**Marissa: **Fuzzy llama! funny llama!

**Fang: **Llama! Llama! Duck!

**Author: Llama, llama, cheeseca-**

**Max: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP SINGING THAT SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*******Max runs out of the room, screaming.***

**Fang: **Hah, that was funny.

**Author: **We should do that again.

**Marissa: **My evil plan is working…… again……

**Fang and Author: ***Look at each other* RUN!!

*******Fang and Author run out of the room***

**Marissa: **Hahahahah!!!!

**Nudge: **You don't scare me. I do the same exact thing when I want to play WiiFit.

**Marissa: ***gasp* We're so alike!

*******Nudge and Marissa prance off to play WiiFit.***

_________________ ______________________ _________________________ ________________________ _________________________ __________________________

Yay! Two chapters in one weekend!!! YAY!!!

Thanks for reviewing, those of you who did.

The reason I put in that Nudge-getting-a-hamster ordeal was because I just got one!!!! Yippee!! She is black, and her name is Gemma. She's super cute. Mwahaha, hamsters can take over the world, if trained correctly……

**Fang: **Actually, I would bet on ferrets.

**Marissa: **No, I'd do guinea pigs for sure.

**Fang: **But ferrets are long a sneaky!

**Marissa: **Yeah. But guinea pigs are more awesome-r and they make cool noises! So hah! There!!

Yes, children, stop fighting. We will have to see which animal is more capable of taking over the world.

**Fang: **Yay!

**Marissa: **Double yay!!

Yay! Okay, now, I must go.

**Fang: **Review…..

**Marissa: **Reviewwwwww!!!!!

**Fang: **Double review….!

**Marissa: **Triple reviewww!!!

Okay! If I have to separate you two I will!

**Fang: **….

**Marissa: **Oh, no, there's no need for that, now is there? *laughs maniacally*

*nervous laughter* ….. BYE!

**Marissa: **Works every time….

**Fang: **What?

**Marissa: **Nothing…. *smiles evilly*

**Fang: **….. BYE!!!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Fang: **Meep.

**Max: **…

**Fang: **Meep.

**Max: **…

**Fang: **Meeep.

**Max: **…

**Fang: **MEEEEE-

**Max: **WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!!!

**Fang:** …

**Max: **_Thank-you!_

**Fang: **…

**Max: **Finally, some peace and quiet!

**Fang: **Meep.

**Max: **ARRRRRGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

*******Max runs out of the room screaming, while Fang is happily enjoying himself.*******

**Fang: **Meep.

*******Author, Marissa, and another girl enter the room.*******

**Author: **Like, wow!

**Marissa: **I know!

**Iggy4ever: **That was sooo fun!!!

**Author: **We totally have to do it again!!

**Fang: **Do what?

**Iggy4ever: **Chickenherding!!

**Fang: **Chickenherding…?

**Marissa: **YEAH!!

**Fang: **I'm... not even going to ask…

**Author: **Good, Fang. You are not worthy to ask.

*******Iggy enters the room*******

**Iggy4ever: **IIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

**Iggy: ***confusion* Who's that?

**Iggy4ever: **ILOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

**Fang: **It's another fan-girl, Ig.

**Iggy4ever: **I am not a fan-girl!

**Fang: **Yes you are.

**Iggy4ever: **No I'm not.

**Fang: **Yes you are!

**Iggy4ever: **No I'm not!

**Fang: **Yes yo-

**Marissa: **This ends now!! *She whacks both Fang and Iggy4ever with a sewing machine*

**Author: **Finally! Thanks, M.

**Marissa: **No problem-o.

**Author: **Hey, wanna go play a prank on Iggy?

**Marissa: **You bet!!

*******Marissa and Author run to the basement, to set up a prank for Iggy…*******

**Marissa: **We need feathers!!

**Author: **And tons and tons of maple syrup!!!!

**Marissa: **Wait, I thought we were using glue.

**Author: **Oh, we are.

**Marissa: **Well then why do we need maple syrup…?

**Author: **BeCAUSE it's the best food in the world!!

**Marissa: **You are going to eat all the maple syrup?

**Author: **No, silly! I'm going to make a pool of it and then swim around!

**Marissa: **Oh, gotcha. Okay, so I have the feathers…

**Author: **And I have the bucket of glue…

**Marissa:** I also have some chocolate chips.

**Author: **Uh, why?

**Marissa: **To mix in with the feathers, so he is like a chocolate bird!!

**Author: **Strange… but oddly delightful…

**Marissa: **Okay, out the glue on top of the door, and we'll attach this string to it, so that we can pull it down…

**Author: **And then we'll set the feathers and chocolate chips on the shelf, above the glue, with a different string to pull it down.

**Marissa: **There! Mwahahaha!

**Author: **Wait, is he still blind?

**Marissa: **Um… I should know this… but I don't…

**Author: **Let's ask JP.

*******Marissa and Author run to JP's office, where he is quietly working on the 6****th**** installment of the Maximum Ride series, Fang: A Maximum Ride Novel.***

**Author: **JP!!!!

**JP: **WHAT!?

**Marissa: **My, my, touchy touchy!

**JP: **I'm sorry girls, I am just having writer's block. Please go on.

**Author: **We were wondering if Iggy was still blind!

**JP:** Hmm, hmm, that's a very good question… Here, let me check the Maximum Ride archives.

*******JP gets up to go the archives, which are in the basement…*******

**Author: **OMG LOOK! HE'S WRITING THE 6TH BOOK OF MAXIMUM RIDE!!!!!

**Marissa: ***shudders*

**Author: **Here, let's read what he has!

Chapter 13

Fang kissed me, gently and sweetly and with such passion th- I did not just say that. Er, anyway, we kissed, and

out of the corner of my eye, I saw Devin glaring at Fang. I tried to push the thought aside, but I couldn't help but wonder

if Devin was jealous. Of Fang. Jealous of Fang. I mean, yeah, Devin was created to be my other perfect half and all that

crap, but Fang was my soul mate, and who needed a perfect half anyway? I certainly didn't. I chose Fang, and he was

the one I wanted to be with.

Just as I was going to end our kiss, (because it was getting kind of uncomfortable with Devin staring) Devin

walked over and pulled me by the arm away from Fang. "Hey!" I said. "Devin, stop!" He practically dragged me as far

away from Fang as possible before stopping and letting me go. "Devin, what the hell?"

"You can't kiss him! You are supposed to be with me! I'm your other perfect half, Maximum!"

"First of all, you can't control me, idiot. And secondly, I can, and I _will _kiss Fang. And thirdly – I don't need you

To be my perfect half! There's no such thing! You're just an experiment made for fun, Devin, and I will never love you."

At first, Devin's expression was that of sadness and confusion, but then, it turned to pure anger. "You will love me!"

He screamed at me. "I'm your soul mate!" He grabbed me from behind the head and smacked his lips against mine, and I

heard a gasp as I struggled to get him off of me.

"Help!" I yelled. "Fang!" Devin lunged at me again, wrapping himself around me in such a way that reminded me

of a cobra slowly strangling its prey. I screamed and tried to kick him away from me. "Get away!" I yelled. Suddenly Fang tackled

Devin and pinned him to the ground.

"Don't touch her, you (enter swear word of choice here)." I was finally glad that Devin was getting taught a lesson, and I

looked away briefly at the rest of the Flock. When I looked back, Devin had his hands around Fang's throat, and it was obvious that

Fang couldn't breathe. He was choking!

"Fang!" I screamed. I jumped at them but Devin suddenly shoved Fang's lifeless body off of him. "Devin!" I screamed. My hands

shook as I knelt beside Fang and felt for a heartbeat. Faintly, I heard a small beat. "Fang," I whimpered. "Don't leave me!" Fang's eyes

fluttered open and settled on me.

"Max," he said.

"Fang, you can't leave me… I love you, Fang! I love you," I said to him.

"I… love you too…" I watched as he took his last breath to tell me he loved me.

"No!" I screamed. "Fang!"

That was first time I had told Fang I loved him. It was also the last.

**Marissa: **What the fudge?!

**Author: **Wow. We need to change this.

**Marissa: **You better believe we do.

*******Author and Marissa set to change the story of the 6****th**** book.*******

**Author: **Okay, let me read it now…

Chapter 13

Fang kissed me, gently and sweetly and with such passion th- I did not just say that. Er, anyway, we kissed. Then Fang leaped away

from me, into a tree. He made a sound, much like one that a llama makes, and I laughed. Then, all of a sudden, I heard the sound

of hooves galloping down the dirt road, towards us. I directed everyone to get to the side of the road. But Devin, the idiot, was listening

to his iPod, and didn't hear me.

A herd of polka dotted llamas appeared, and gallumped toward Devin. They trampled him effortlessly. I guess they didn't make his

body to withstand llama attacks… He lay there, in the road, and I think he was dead. Then, a fuzzy llama ran back for him. He picked Devin up

with his teeth, and then flung him into the ocean. Then the llama turned and winked at us before returning to his gang of llamas.

"Well, what should we do?" Nudge asked.

Gazzy said, "I'm hungry for some Dippin' Dots."

"Iggy, what do you think?"

Iggy replied, "I dunno. Now that I think about it, I'm slightly hungry as well."

Everyone else agreed that they were also hungry.

Fang turned to me. "Well, the decision is up to you, Max."

We left Devin in the ocean.

**Marissa: **Hahaha! Brilliant!!!

**Author: **Hey, wanna go check on JP?

**Marissa: **Yeah, I wonder what's taking him so long.

*******Marissa and Author go to the basement where the archives are…. And their trap for Iggy…*******

**JP: **ARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

**Marissa: **Oopsies…

**Author: **Uhm…

*******JP was covered in super-glue, feathers, and chocolate chips.*******

**Marissa: **Hmm, I wonder who could have done such a horrid thing…

**Author: **Heh, um, me too! C'mon M let's go!!

**JP: **Girls!!

**__________ ________________ ________________ _______________ _______________ ______________ _______________ _______________ _____________ _____________ _____________**

Wow, that was a long chapter. It was fun to write though.

Sorry I didn't update last weekend. I was quite busy with projects and homework for school.

The ending note is quite short today, cause Fang went to WalMart to get a bouncy castle.

Don't ask…

Anyway, review!! *please*

Oh yeah!!! Also, do you think Iggy should be blind?? I can't remember if he still was or if I magically made him un-blind… so review saying wither yes or no!

Thanks!

M, I'll see you later today!! Ready for some scary movies?? Moo-ha-ha-ha!


	15. Chapter 15

**Fang: Don't get chocolate fudge all over the bathroom!**

**Marissa: I will gladly shank you with my hippopotamus!**

**Author: Put on the jello's leash before it escapes!!**

**Max: Please! Enough with the random sayings!**

**Fang: That's what she said.**

**Marissa: Doughnut pumpkin.**

**Author: To the piggy bank of doom!**

**Max: Argghh!**

**Fang: We're sorry.**

**Marissa: Yea, Max, we really are.**

**Author: What they said.**

**Max: Well, thank-you. I am glad you actually decided to sincerely apol-**

**Fang: FRIED CHICKEN, I'M GONNA EAT YOU!!**

**Marissa: Friskies Seared Filets with SALMON!!!!**

**Author: Download to any Mac or PC!**

***Max storms out of the room***

**Fang: Our mission is accomplished. Now, to the kitchen!**

**Marissa: I think I want to hoard the cake.**

**Author: What does "hoard" mean?**

**Nudge: HOARD: TRANSITIVE AND INTRANSITIVE VERB! TO COLLECT AND STORE, OFTEN SECRETLY, LARGE AMOUNTS OF THINGS SUCH AS FOOD OR MONEY FOR FURTHER USE! SQUIRRELS ARE HOARDERS!**

**Fang: I love you all!**

* * *

Sadly, this was a very short chapter. Sadly, this is the last chapter. Sadly, chicken is not a fruit.

I'm sorry, but yes, this is in fact the last chapter of JP + Author. I can't keep the commitment of updating every weekend. Now that I have school again, not to mention everything else that I must do, I find I have no time to write a story. But do not fear, because maybe, just maybe, I'll write an occasional chapter. Maybe… I'll have to ponder it.

I love you all, and thank-you for reading.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author: **Hello there.

**Fang: **Welcome.

**Gazzy: **To.

**Nudge: **Our.

**Angel: **Home.

**Iggy: **We.

**Author: **Would.

**Fang: **Like.

**Gazzy: **For.

**Nudge: **You.

**Angel: **To.

**Iggy: **Partake.

**Author: **In.

**Fang: **Our.

**Gazzy: **Meal.

**Nudge: **The.

**Angel: **Main.

**Iggy: **Course.

**Author: **Is.

**Marissa: **YOU!

**Max: **Would you _please_ stop trying to be creepy? It's almost Christmas! Geez!

**Author: **Sorry, _Max.___

**Fang: **You just _have _to ruin our fun. Party pooper.

**Max: **_Excuse me?_

**Fang: **Er, nothing.

**Max: **That's what I thought.

**Marissa: **Apple raisin pudding!

**Angel: **I wish it would snow.

**Gazzy: **Yeah, me too!

**Nudge:** Man! Now I have a craving for some pudding! See you guys later.

**Gazzy: **Hey, take me with you!

***Gazzy and Nudge leave the room***

**Author: **Hey M, wanna play Monopoly?

**Marissa: **You better believe it. To the death!

**Max:** If your death if involved, I would like to play.

**Fang: **You're so _sadistic. _Kind of like Edward Cullen. He's so _spicy.___

**Max: **_Excuse me?! _Since when do you act like a crazed Twilight fan?

**Fang: **Since Iggy dared me… I have to… or else…

**Author: **Or else what?

**Marissa: **I bet he has to kiss Max… in public!

**Fang: **No. I have to lick peanut butter off of her foot.

**Max: **Gross! I will not agree to that!

**Iggy: ***snickering* You don't have to… I have in my possession all of your clothes and belongings, ready to be dyed pink and girly.

**Max: **I swear, if you do anything to my things, you'll find my fist in your f-

**Author: **Hey, hey now, children, let's stop fighting.

**Iggy: **Bye.

***Iggy leaves***

**Fang: **Twilight RULES! It's so awesome! New Moon RULES!!! It's so awesome! Everything rules! Everything is awesome!! *girly laugh*

**Marissa: **That was creepy.

**Author: **Tell me about it.

**Max: **That's it. You all are impossible.

**Marissa: ***bawk-bawk-ba-bawk* chicken!

**Author: **Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear…

**Fang: **OMG! FUZZY WUZZY HAD NO HAIR!

**Author:** The farmer in the dell, the farmer in the dell, hi-ho, the cherry-o, the farmer in the dell!

**Marissa:** The farmer takes a wife, the farmer takes a wife, hi-ho, the cherry-o, the farmer takes a wife!

**Author:** The wife takes a child, the wife takes a child, hi-ho, the cherry-o, the wife takes a child!!

**Marissa:** The child takes a nurse, the child takes a nurse, hi-ho, the cherry-o, the child takes a nurse! The nurse takes the cow, the nurse takes the cow, hi-ho, the cherry-o, the nurse takes the cow!!!

**Author:** The cow takes a dog, the cow takes a dog, hi-ho, the cherry-o, the cow takes a dog!!

**Marissa:** The dog takes a cat, the dog takes a cat, hi-ho, the cherry-o, the dog takes a cat!!!

**Author:** The cat takes a rat, the cat takes a rat, hi-ho, the cherry-o, the cat takes a rat!

**Marissa:** The rat takes the cheese, the rat takes the cheese, hi-ho, the cherry-o, the rat takes the cheese…The cheese stands alone, the cheese stands alone, hi-ho, the cherry-o, the cheese stands alone!!!

**Fang**: *in girly voice* Oh my goodness! Who's wife did the farmer take?? And why did the wife take someone's child! That's horrible! Everyone was taking everything and I was just so scared! I thought for sure that cheese was gonna take me!

**Author: **Okay, really, Fang.

**Marissa: **Yeah, that's enough. Iggy isn't even here anymore.

**Fang: **Oh………..

**Marissa: **ONE MORE SONG!!!

**Author: **Christmas is coming!

**Marissa: **The goose is getting fat!

**Fang: **Please put a penny in the old man's hat!

**Author: **If you haven't got a penny…

**Marissa: **A half a penny will do!

**Fang: **And if you haven't got half a penny…

**Author: **A farthing will do!

**Marissa: **But if you haven't got a farthing, then…

**Fang: **God bless you!

* * *

Hello everyone. This is chapter 15 of the apparently never ending adventures of Fang and the gang. Sorry I've had to cut back writing so much, but school has been busy lately. Yes, for now, I am on Christmas Vacation! Yippee! Tomorrow is Christmas Eve (THANK GOODNESS) and I'm looking forward to it. Christmas is almost here!

I am leaving the day after Christmas, the 26th, to spend a week in Colorado visiting by best friend Lauren. I'm glad to finally get away from home! At least I will have some snow down there. Can you believe it? No snow in Washington! It's inhumane! Snow is one of my few favorite things. My favorite things consist of llamas, fried chicken, and snow! My favorite words are "meal" and "Swami". I don't know why. They are just really cool words. Shhh. You know they are. Meal! Swami!

Oh, and if you are wondering what a "farthing" is: **1. The least: **the lowest value or smallest amount; **2. Former British coin: **a former British coin worth a quarter of an old penny.

:D I have a little contest for you guys… at least whoever is left of my readers…. When myself and Marissa sang "The Farmer In The Dell" I changed one word... what is it?? I don't have a prize for you…. So how about you pick your own prize? ::D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D So yeah.

If you have any questions or comments or you just need to chat about how much you hate pudding, send me a message. I'm usually always within reach of a computer, strangely enough.

Oh, and yeah: I am thinking about only writing chapters when it is a holiday… what do you think? If you think it's a good idea, let me know. If you think it's a bad idea, let me know as well. And tell me why you think so! Let's see…. There's Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Labor Day, Valentine's Day, April Fool's Day… ummm…. What else is there? I know I'm forgetting very important holidays.

Until next time,

WingedJewel

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

**Psalm 18:2 New International Version (NIV)**

**The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;  
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.  
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.**


End file.
